Harrietta Potter
by Raiviin
Summary: What if Harry was born...Harrietta?
1. Chapter 1

Harrietta Potter chapter 1

Note: this is amusing, not literarily amazing. That means no amazing descriptions, and most of you should be familiar enough with the story/movies not to need one. Also, even though this takes place in the late 80's/early 90's during the first year, there will still be some out of place quotes because I feel like it.

Everyone knows how Voldemort was defeated. A baby reflected back the killing curse and it struck him down. Sadly, James and Lily potter were killed in the fight, orphaning their daughter Harrietta. Hagrid, a half giant, feared that the poor wee thing wouldn't be safe with her brutish uncle and cousin and nasty aunt, but alas Dumbledore felt that it would be for the best.

When Dudley tromped down the stairs on his birthday, Harrietta awoke with a start and shook flakes of ceiling out of her short wild hair. Brushing the pieces out she sighed; wishing her aunt Petunia would let her grow it long. She finished dressing in her cousins ginormous cast off shirt that billowed around her like a muumuu. She liked to wear it as a dress. She went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast as lovely Dudders threw a tantrum about his lack of presents.

Harrietta muttered under hear breath, "oh yes, one present less than last year. You're soooo unloved. You know what I really hate? These clothes. They're so ugly. All I wanted was a cute maid outfit so that I at least look good when I cook and clean. But noooo they won't buy me one, even if it impresses the neighbours." She made a face then finished frying the bacon. "I feel like tacos, not bacon. I think I'm suffering from lack of taco. Bacon is not as good as taco."

"What are you muttering about?" Vernon Dursley asked. "One more word out of you and you're not coming with us to the zoo."  
"And that would be such a shame," she muttered and rolled her eyes.  
"What was that?"

"I wish I could play a game."

Vernon gave Harrietta a weird look and shuffled his newspaper while she forked some bacon over to his plate.

Later at the zoo, Harietta found herself in the reptile section.

"Hello there, you have such pretty scales, it must be fun to be a snake with pretty scales. Do you ever miss the wilderness?"

"Actually no," said the snake, "I wassss raissssed in captivity."  
Harietta thought she was hallucinating.

"Am I hallucinating?" she asked the snake.

"No," it replied.

"Oh. Ok!" she said.

"Daddy look, the snake is moving!" Dudley shoved Harrietta out of the way and she stumbled and fell.

"Asshole," she thought and glared at him. Dudley was pressed up against the glass when it just disappeared. The snake slithered out, winked at Harri and said, "Thanksss and you have a very pretty meat covering. It must be fun to be a human with a pretty meat covering."

Harri was dumbfounded, but couldn't disguise her glee when Dudley got rapped behind the glass. Big mistake.

When Harri got her letter to Hogwarts, Vernon snatched it away and told her it was a joke. Of course, the thousands of letters that arrived later said otherwise. Harri was slightly disgusted with the hovel on a rock they went to live on. She was used to clean spaces (because of her superior cleaning skills) and this was definitely not clean.

On her 11th birthday when Harri was blowing out the candles she had drawn in the dirt floor, a large pounding on the door scared the buhjeezes out of her. Stepping in out of the rain and shadows was the largest and hairiest man she had ever seen.

"Happy birthday Harrietta," Hagrid said, presenting her with a cake.

Harri was touched, and showed the utmost hospitality (despite her relative's rudeness) to the large hairy man.

"You're a witch Harri," he told her.

"A what?"

"A witch."  
"Seriously? With the hat? And the cat? And the broomstick? And the cool striped stockings?"  
"Umm…" Hagrid proceeded to tell her about the wizarding world.

"Ok, one last question. Can I have a piggy back to the boat?"  
Hagrid was happy to oblige the hyper and piggyback-deprived 11-year-old girl. She had just found out her parents were very skilled witches and wizards, and that they were providing an escape to a whole new world, away from the Dursleys.

A few days latter, Harri and Hagrid stepped into the dim Leaky Cauldron.

"Nothing for me today, Tom. I'm taking young Harrietta here to get her new books."

A hush fell over the crowd and a few intakes of breath indicated that a few people were attempting to gasp without seeming to overt about it, although you could tell they all wanted to fangirl squeal.

"Very nice to meet you!" a random stranger said, pumping Harri's hand vigorously.

"V-v-v-very n-n-nice t-to m-m-meet you, M-miss P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-potter."  
"This is Professor Quirrell, he'll be teaching you defence against the dark arts at Hogwarts." Hagrid informed the bewildered Harri.

"Hagrid, could you please explain why everyone wants to touch me? It's kind of disturbing."

Harri and Hagrid walked out to the back of the Leaky Cauldron and Hagrid did his special brick-tapping trick and the doors slid open.

Harri's eyes opened in WONDER and SHOCK at the colourful wizarding shopping village she saw, hidden in the midst of London. Her eyes opened even wider in WONDER and SHOCK as Hagrid explained the story of Voldemort (He Who Shall Not Be Named, You Know Who, Moldyworts, and the like) and how she defeated him as a baby.

Harrietta was still processing the lively story when she went into Madame Malkin's shop (after Gringotts and the mysterious package of course) to buy one of her favourite things in the world: clothing. Already in the store getting fitted was a pointy little blond boy, kind of cute in an anime-ish kind of way. He was ordering about some of the seamstress's helpers, making them nervous and screw up even more.

"Could you perhaps stop yelling? It's kinda mean and they're doing their best." Harietta asked the pointy little boy.

"I am a Malfoy, and I deserve the best."

One of the helper's sensing Harri's confusion whispered in her ear they were a rich pureblood family, old money and the like.

"Just because you're rich doesn't make you special. Maybe you'd be special if you were just a _tad_ nicer. With great power comes great responsibility."

By that point, Harri was done being fitted (she also secretly ordered a maids costume with a little of her extra money) and was off to get a wand.

Harri met the creepy Ollivander, got her ultra special wand that was connected to ol' He Who Cannot Be Named's wand, Hagrid gave her the gift of Hedwig (what's with all the H names?) and Harri went home where her purchases were promptly locked up.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**NOTE: As mentioned before this is going to be no literary work of art. This story is the kind that you don't read for plot, you read because you like tacos, the letter I, and Harry Potter without his fun manly bits.   
There is NO DISCLAIMBER for 3 reasons:  
1) I forgot last time  
2) I'm too lazy to write it this time  
3) If you don't realise that the characters and general plot as well as setting, etc are J.K. Rowlings, you've been living in a hole. Therefore, I shouldn't have to write a disclaimer.**

**Oh one more thing. Please excuse my horrible grammar. It's horrible. I suck with grammar. So it's horrible.**

**ONE MORE WARNING: THIS IS LITERARY GARBAGE. It's just fun to write. Hehe, Harry is a girl. **

Harrietta was dropped off at King's Cross, taking a shaky breath and trying to forget about the fact the Dursleys laughed at her when they saw her ticket.

"Excuse me," she asked a conductor, "how can I get to platform 9 ¾?"

"Are you making fun of me?" he told her as he turned to go help a more serious and distinguished person.

Harrietta was at a loss. She had no idea whatsoever how to get to this special platform. She stood there in the middle of the station, holding back her tears when she overheard a red haired woman saying, "Just as usual, packed with muggles. Come along." To her many red haired children. Muggle was a familiar word as Hagrid had used it frequently with her.

When they stopped between platform nine and ten, Harri timidly approached the woman.

"Excuse me," she tried, "Can you tell me how to get onto the platform?"

"Well of course I can! Are you first year to Hogwarts?"

"Yes ma'am." She said.  
"Please call me Mrs. Weasley. Ok, watch Fred and George, than you can go through with Ron. It's his first year too."   
Harri smiled at the red headed boy her age, presumably Ron, and he smiled back. She turned to watch Fred and George go on to the platform, and her heart stopped beating. She watched them and it seemed as if there were eagle's crying in the background, a wave splashing somewhere near by, and for some reason everything Fred and George did appeared to be in slow motion, allowing their hair to whip all over their faces in a clichéd chick flick style way.

Twins. Two of them. Twins were her coffee in the morning, her sugary snacks in the afternoon and her pie in the evening. She loved twins. She was thinking dirty thoughts an eleven year old girl shouldn't be capable of even imagining, especially since what she was thinking was not even appropriate for her mother.

"They're twins, in case you haven't noticed," Ron said as they watched them nonchalantly go through the barrier.

Then it was Harri's turn.

"It's best if you go at a bit of a run,"

Harrietta gulped, aimed her trolley, and started at a slow jog. She sped up as she got closer to the barrier, and shut her eyes tight when she thought she was going to hit it. When Harri didn't feel her trolley collide with brick, she slowed and opened her eyes to behold a red Thomas the Tank Engine. Or so she thought until she saw in glittering gold lettering, "Hogwarts Express". Grey smoke was puffing out of the shiny red train, and students were dragging their trunks up the stairs.

Harri looked for the twins and heard them telling a short redheaded girl that looked like the youngest of the lot that they would send her a toilet seat or something.

They then went over to Harri and helped her put her bag on to the train. Harri was swooning.

"Thanks. By the way, my name is Harrietta Potter."

The twins exchanged a glance, then went off to say good bye to their mum.

She found an empty compartment. She put her bag up on the rack and put Hedwig on the seat beside her.

Harri had grabbed out a potions book and started reading when the door slid open and Ron popped his head in.

"Do you mind if I sit here? All the other compartments are full."

"Go ahead," Harri said, moving Hedwig's cage.

"I'm sure you know this already, but I'm Ronald Weasley. Call me Ron."

"I'm Harrietta Potter. Call me Harri please."

"Really? Fred and George said you were but I thought they were just pulling my leg."

_Fred and George were talking about her?_ Harri was ecstatic.

The train started to pull out of the station, and the short redhead girl followed the train, waving to her brothers (and trying to get another glimpse of Harrietta) until the train was out of sight.

Ron was showing off his magic to Harri when the compartment door slid open once again to reveal a slim girl with bushy brown hair and two big front teeth and a pudgy boy near tears.

"Excuse me, but have any of you seen a toad? His name is Trevor and Neville here seems to have lost him. Oh, are you practising magic? I'm a muggleborn but the spells were so fascinating and I seemed to have picked them up quickly. I can already do all the spells in book of spells grade one, and I'm thinking of finding an older student who could lend me their book of spells so I could try my hand at those too, but I haven't had the time yet because I also need to read through my transfiguration book. Fascinating stuff transfiguration, I wonder what year we'll be allowed to transfigure living creatures, or even furniture. By the way, I'm Hermione. Now lets see that magic you were going to do!"

"Um, well, sunshine daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow!"

Scabbers, Ron's rat squeaked a little, but nothing happened.

"Could be a faulty spell. Are you sure it's real?"

"Whatever."

"About the frog?" Harri asked politely. Neville seemed to be more fidgety than he had been at the beginning of Hermione's speech.

"Ah yes. If you see it, please give us a shout."

"We will." Harri said and smiled.

"See you up at school, or beforehand if you see the frog." Hermione smiled back and shut the door behind her.

"Wow. She talks a lot." Ron said.

"She's a girl, a lot of us talk a lot." Harri said.

Ron was teaching Harri how to play exploding snap when once again, the compartment door slid open. The pointy faced ponce named Malfoy and two hulking trolls swaggered in (well the trolls lumbered in).

"I heard that Harrietta Potter was in this compartment. Oh! You! You're Harrietta? I'm Draco Malfoy, pleased to make your acquaintance. These to are Crabbe and Goyle."

He swept a bow.

Ron had frozen beside Harri and was gritting his teeth.

"Ah, I see you've already met one of the Weasley's. You'll find that they're not one of the better sorts of the wizarding world, a bunch of muggle lovers. Stick with me and I can teach you how to find the right sort."

Harri clenched her fists in her lap and said coldly, "I think I can find the right sort for myself."

Malfoy's face froze and an icy visage replaced the former welcoming one.

"You just made a big mistake. Crabbe. Goyle." Malfoy swept out, his cronies flanking him.

"Some people can just be so stupid sometimes." Harri rolled her eyes at Ron and they played exploding snap until the train rolled to a stop.


	3. Chapter 3

Harrietta Potter

Chapter 3 (Ze Sorting)

**FIRST Thanks to Alorkin, my sole reader and the only reason I finished this chapter. **

**Ah the good old disclaimer. I shall disclaim many things. But first! I would like to apologize for my atrocious spelling. Only after going back and reading it many months after did I realize how bad the spelling in chapters one and two were. For that I'm humbly sorry.   
I would also like to apologize for my bad grammar and sentence structure. I can't do much about that though, because I can't recognize when I'm using anything improperly.**

If I spell anything bad, read it the way it's spelled. It will make it funnier then if you just thought, "Wow that spelling sucks"

**Disclaimer:  
I disclaim thee! The words that need to be in this sentence: Harry Potter…umm belong…J.K. Rowling.and…her. That's most of the words I do believe.**

**That disclaimer was just pure brilliance, don't you agree?**

Harrietta, followed by Ron, stepped off the train to be intimidated by the madly rushing throng of students. Towering above even the tallest seventh year was

"Hagrid!" Harri cried.

Hagrid waved and yelled,

"Firs' years' this way! Firs' years!"

Hagrid led all the first years to the waiting boats and everyone climbed in in groups of four. Harri shared with Ron, Hermione and Neville. Hagrid took up a boat all by himself. The boats seemed to be in a fleet formation; all going in the same direction as if being pulled along through the water by a conveyor belt like the swan ride at a muggle theme park. Harri was sitting at the prow of the boat making idle chit chat, her eyes searching the darkness for what was to be her new winter home. The first years rounded a corner of rock and the first years all gasped as one.

Hogwarts was glowing, the towers and turrets sparkling with a million lights, yellow light filtering out of the windows. As Harri drew nearer she couldn't believe her luck, and felt as if she was a princess about to live in a castle and meet her happily ever after.

Hermione was the first to descend the boat as it touched earth, Neville the last. Hagrid handed Neville what appeared to be Trevor, and a stern looking woman glided down the stairs. She explained in concise terms that they were going to be called alphabetically then sorted into different houses.

"That's good, Fred and George were going on about having to defeat a troll" Ron whispered.

The first years entered the great hall in a slightly organized clump. A tattered hat was placed upon a stool and began to sing a song about the different attributes of all the houses. Gryffindor was brave, Hufflepuff loyal, Ravenclaw clever and Slytherin cunning.

"I want to get into Gryffindor," Ron said. "All my brothers were there, plus they're the bravest. I would hate to be in Slytherin though, all of them practise dark arts and stuff."

"But cunning, that means they'd be super cool, like double oh seven and spies and stuff and NINJAS!"

Ron gave Harri a really weird look.

"Sorry. I mean, they all sound like they have their merits, but I guess I wouldn't want to constantly be looking around to see if I was being cursed." Harri supplied.

"Granger, Hermione."

"Ok, remain calm. Take deep breaths," Hermione muttered to herself.

"I still think she's weird," Ron said.

Harri smacked him on the arm.

"Longbottom, Neville."

The hat sat there for a while, and Neville began to blush.

"Gryffindor!" it called out.

"Wouldn't have seen that one coming." Said Ron.

Harri hushed him.

"Malfoy, Draco."

The hat had barely touched his head when it yelled out, "Slytherin!"

"Goes to show that his personality is exactly like it was on the train." Ron commented.

'He really likes to comment about people.' Harri thought. 'I wonder if that hats going to be too big for my head, then it will slide down over my nose and I'll look ridiculous. Well, because of my rep' Harri rolled her eyes, and Ron gave her a weird glance which she didn't notice, 'I'll be known as the girl who lived, not the ickle firstie where the hat slid down on her head. But wait! Even worse, what if the hat doesn't sort me! Would I be forced to go back to the Dursley's? Wait! Better idea! I could rebel and form my own house! Ah, don't get ahead of yourself dearie, you'd probably just get to live with who you chose."

"Potter, Harri." This time it was the entire room that hushed.

Harri nervously stepped forward, then walked at a brisk pace up to the hat and jammed it on her head. Luckily, it didn't go past her forehead.

"Harrietta Potter!" The hat said in her head.

Harri jumped about an inch off the stool and thought loudly, "Harri please."

"No need to yell, I can hear you just fine. Now lets shuffle about your brain. Ok, backing out of that corner. You're a bit of a pervert for an eleven year old. Hormones haven't kicked in yet. Not that I'm going to pry or anything. Anyway, I see that you can be very smart when you apply yourself, and your loyalty surpasses many. Bravery and courage and evident, but I also see a thirst, to prove yourself."

Remembering her thoughts about having to always watch her back around Slytherins, Harry thought, "Not Slytherin please. Not Slytherin please. Not Slytherin please."

"Not Slytherin eh? Yes I'm sure you've noticed I'm Canadian. I learned my british accent, it rubbed off on me. Not that Canadians say eh all the time. It's actually more fun that it seems, and sounds more intelligent than huh, which is the American substitution, although Canadians use it too. Anyplumb, if it's not to be Slytherin, then it's got to be

"GRYFFINDOR."  
The applause was so great that Harri's ears were ringing by the time she made it to her seat. The twins made room beside them for her and they both engulfed her in a hug. Harri definitely believed this was going to be her happily ever after world.

'May as well start wearing dresses with poofy sleeves and curl my hair into pretty ringlets' she thought and let her mind wander back to dirty things with the twins before the hug finished.

After the last girl was sorted, Dumbledore said some words, they ate, then Dumbledore said some more words about staying out of the forbidden forest, out of the third floor corridor ('Which one?' Harri thought) and then going off to bed.

Harri found a bed next to Hermione, with two girls named Parvati and Lavender beside them.

All four girls were so tired that the second their heads hit the pillow they were out like Trolls bludgeoned to sleep with their own clubs.


	4. Chapter 4

Harrietta Potter Chapter Four

**So, my birthday was on Monday! Yay for me! But last week I lost three pounds, and everyone gave me chocolate for my birthday. Since I'm on the "let's keep losing three pounds a week please" diet, that means I can only eat about three pieces of chocolate every two days or so, which is torture because I love chocolate, and Daniel got me a really cool Russian brand which is soooooo good. So this chapter is slightly chocolate deprived.  
Disclaimer reads as follows: JK Rowling came up with Harry Potter and the universe. I came up with Harrietta. I swear I did. I was sitting at school at lunch one day and thought, "OH EM GEE! Best idea ever! What if Harry was really…Harrietta? That would be so friggin funny!" Then I emailed this to my good friend Alchemical Reactions (she has a great story) who I actually know in real life, and she sent me a bunch of links showing that it had already been done. It was a bummer, but whatever, I was still the first to come up with it in my head.**

Classes began Monday after a bright and early breakfast conducted in the great hall. From the dorm rooms, down to the great hall, while she was eating her eggs and toast, taking a sip of orange juice, packing up her bag, making sure her robe was adjusted properly, combing her unruly and finally growing longer hair out of her face, Harri was followed and whispered about. Feeling slightly self-conscious, as many prepubescent girls are oft to do, Harri strode off down the hallway in an attempt to navigate the castle to her first class. Cushioned on one side by Ron, the other was left open to attack by Peeves the Poltergeist the second they traversed the entrance hall.

"GOT YOUR CONK!" he yelled, while tugging on Harri's straight nose and flicking Ron's freckled one.

"Could I have it back please?" Harri asked.

"Now why would I want to do that?" Peeves returned.

"Because my face will look odd without it. Besides, if I don't get it back now, you'll never be able to steal it again. And isn't the joy of taking my conk in the hunt and execution and the ultimate achievement then in the normal preying on ickle firsties?"

Taken aback a bit at the eleven year old girl protesting his filching of her nose, Peeves grinned and said, "Fine, you can have yours back. But I'm keeping his," and pointed his thumb at Ron.

"Well, that's up to him to negotiate with you. Ronnie?" Harri looked at Ron expectantly.

"Er…well…could I have it back please? I need it to smell things." Peeves rolled his eyes, and decided not to take pity at Ron's attempt at negotiations. He zoomed away and left Harri and Ron to run to their first class of the day so as not to be late.

Harri and Ron ran into transfigurations slightly sweaty and windblown. The stopped short and slowed down so as to be less conspicuous when entering a silent classroom answering questions from their textbooks. Harri could tell instantly it was a Gryffindor/Slytherin class due to the smirk Draco Malfoy was giving Harri, probably because she was late and going to get detention. However, the smirk was wiped right off his face when Hermione beat him to changing her match into a needle.

In Harri's opinion, transfiguration really wasn't that bad. Harri got to stay up extra late on Wednesdays for the unit on Astrology (a precursor to divination), three times a week got to practise the gardening skills she had learned at the Dursley's during herbology, and got a good nap every History of Magic.

Charms was taught by a tiny professor named Professor Flitwick who reminded Harri of what one of Snow White's seven dwarves would have looked like if that existed in real life. Feeling a little tired because of the early wake up, Harri's impulse control was not what it usually was and she blurted out during a pause for questions, "Sir, are you one of the seven dwarves?"

Any back of the class whisperings were silenced and Harri slammed her hands on her mouth in horror.

"Actually, I am. Snow Whites real name was actually Sylvia Winters, and we lived with her until she married some good-looking nobleman. It was quite sad seeing her leave, but she invited us over for tea and balls quite frequently. A very sweet girl, the stories don't lie about her beauty."

This time the class was silent in shock instead of horror.

"Which dwarf were you?"

"I was happy. I'm sure you were guessing I was Doc, but you see he was the oldest and he died several decades back. Tragic occasion, but the food at his viewing was spectacular if I do say so myself. Now, any questions about charms?"

Harri had been looking forward to Defence Against the Dark Arts, but that was a disappointment. Assuming Harri could hold her attention long enough to understand Quirrell's prolonged stuttering; she just didn't trust that the twitchy teacher had ever, in fact, fought a zombie. He seemed too paranoid of vampires (Ron said he was probably just scared that professor Snape was a vampire, which the twins had told him). The coolest part, in Harri's opinion was that she would have been able to cast really awesome battle charms and look really kick-ass when doing so. Apparently eleven year olds weren't mature enough for kick-ass.

Potions took place in one of the dungeons, which didn't have the best lighting. Professor Snape began class with roll call, in which Harri got the feeling Snape didn't like her very much. He also did look similar to a vampire. When he got to Harri's name, he paused and said, "Ah yes, Harrietta Potter. Our new celebrity."

"I'm glad you think so. Please call me Harri. In case you want to mark that down, that's H-A-R-R-I not Y, because I'm not a man."

Her long sentence cut off any sniggering Draco and his goons had started.

Snape started a long and very poetic rant about how amazing potions was, which really couldn't have been much harder than cooking which Harri did at the Dursley's quite frequently. Snape interrupted more of Harri's musings with a barked out,

"Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"What the fuck?" Harri thought. "Infusion of what?" she wondered.

Hermione's raised arm was straining the fabric of her robe. Snape ignored her.

"I don't know, sir"

Snape sneered and said, "Let's try again Potter. Where would you look if you told me to find a bezoar?"

Hermione's arm was so high it looked like it was levitating her off her chair.

"I know that one! You can find it in the stomach of a llama! Some queen had one framed and hung on her wall for some reason. There was also one case of a human woman with one, because she chewed on her hair. Wait, that was hair wrapped around her intestines, never mind." Because of the tired factor, once again her impulse control was not what she would have wanted it to be. "Great first impression" she thought.

Snape sneered again and said, "Thank you, for that silly speech of yours. What is the difference between Monkshood and Wolfsbane?"

Hermione's hand was so far up in the air and waving around as if trying to direct a plane to land on her.

"I don't know, but Hermione looks like she does."

"Asphodel and wormwood make the Draught of Living Death, a very powerful sleeping potion so as to mimic death. A bezoar is actually found in the stomach of a goat, and monkshood and wolfsbane are the same plant, also known as aconite. You are no Lily, Potter. Now why aren't the rest of you copying that down? Five points from Gryffindor for your cheek and incessant rambling."

After calming down about the points taken off, while making her potion Harri thought back to what Snape had said. "You're no Lily, Potter." Lily was her mothers' name. Did Snape know more about her mother? Maybe she could ask. Maybe Snape actually knew nothing and was just commenting on her beauty, which seemed quite unlikely as they were talking about smarts and not looks. Besides, if comparing herself to a flower, she would have said rose and not lily. Yeah, he was probably referring to Lily Potter, not lily the flower. Oh, and she had better add those dried nettles and crushed fangs to the cauldron before blowing up the room, as potions was in fact more precise than cooking. With cooking you could improvise, with potions you had to be exact.

Harri's thoughts were interrupted when Neville was not as exact as Snape would have wished, and his potion swept across the floor burning holes in shoes. Boils sprang up all over Neville's skin, and Harri volunteered to take him to the hospital wing. Snape sneered and sent Seamus Finnigan instead, taking another point of from Gryffindor for Harri not looking out to make sure Neville did a proper job. Harri would have liked to have been out of that class as soon as the bell rang, but instead she told Ron to go on ahead and she'd meet up with him, because she had to stay behind to talk to Professor Snape. Ron sighed, and not wanting to be in front of the gloomy menacing teacher any longer than he had to took off towards the upper floors.


	5. Chapter 5

Harrietta Potter Chapter 5

Harrietta Potter Chapter 5

**So Alchemical Reactions updated and that guilted me. She's so subtle that way.  
Oooohhh Alchy. Sorry my sentences never end. At least you don't have to read them out loud, then you'd never be able to breathe. I tried to make it to 1000 words without giving up and got passed 2000 ********. Yeah I know, kinda sad but whatever.**

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling's stuff is not mine, nor do I claim it as such.**

**Onward to the story. **

Professor Snape was busying himself with stacking papers and quills as Harrietta quietly approached him. She waited patiently for the professor to glance up and ask in his snide voice, "You do have ears do you not?"

"Yes."

"Then you did hear the bell."

"Yes, sir."

"Why aren't you scurrying off with all your little Gryffindor friends?"

"Because I think you knew my mother."

Snape paused and an odd look crept into his eyes as his sneer faded a touch.

"I did know your mother, Lily."

"What was she like?"

Harri's open innocent curiosity took Snape aback and he looked at Harri for the first time.

"Well, a bit like you. Always sticking her nose into things that really bugged people."

"Fine, if you want to be like that." Harri huffed and turned to walk out the door.

"She was my first real friend at Hogwarts."

Harri stopped, and turned back.

"Were you friends with my dad too?"

"James Potter should have been expelled in his first year. I don't know why Lily ever ended up with him."

"Oh." Harri fell silent.

"You look like you understood the potion today."

"Well, it's kind of like cooking in the way that there are ingredients, but you can't really improvise with potions."

"Actually you can. You just have to know the properties and traits of the different materials, and then you can add things and tweak them to make them more potent for different people."

"Is that what you learn when you become a potions master?"

"Essentially."

"Cool. Do we ever learn the different properties?"

"If you last until fifth year potions, yes."

"Huh. Okay, thanks. If my mom was your first real friend at Hogwarts, did you stay in touch?"

"No. By the end of our years things were rather…strained between us."

"What happened?"

"Potter."

"Oh. I'll shut up now."

"That would be best. Aren't you late for your next class?"

"No, no classes left. But I have somewhere else to be. Thanks for the talk Professor Snape."

Harri grabbed her books and cauldron and walked briskly to meet up with Ron.

"Hey, I have to go see Hagrid now." Harri told him.

"Can I come with?"

"Sure."

Harri and Ron made their way across the vast Hogwarts lawn to the small hut Hagrid called home. They were greeted at the door not just by the rather large and hairy man, but also by a rather large and hairy dog.

"Back, Fang, back." Hagrid barked.

Hagrid's hut was one roomed and odd looking, but lived in and comfortable none the less.

"This is my friend Ron," Harri presented Hagrid with the youngest Weasley boy.

"Another Weasley, eh? I spent half my life chasing away your twin brothers from the forest."

Hagrid set down rock cakes and tea in front of Harri and Ron, and they nearly broke their teeth trying to take a bite of the cakes. Hagrid's mouth was so big he didn't even have to chew. Harri pet Fang and surreptitiously fed him some of the rock cakes that Harri just couldn't get her teeth into.

As Hagrid and Ron chatted about Ron's family, Harri glanced down at a copy of the Daily Prophet slouching on the table in front of her. Harri read through it quickly.

"Hagrid, did you read about the recent break in at Gringotts? It happened on the same day we were there. Do you think that maybe someone was trying to steal what you took out of the vault earlier?"

"I dunno. Have another cake."

Harri and Ron chatted a little bit more and accepted a few cakes as parting gifts. Maybe they'd give them to the twins redressed with more icing, for shits and giggles.

On Thursday Gryffindor and Slytherin had flying lessons together. The ickle firstie Gryffindors walked down to the pitch in one great clump.

"Just what I need. A class where Malfoy acts all like he owns the world again."

"He's a git. He's just like his father too." Ron replied.

"Well you know the saying the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"Actually, no I don't. But I do know the saying 'the wood nymph doesn't walk far from the tree."

"See that's so weird. You wizards have all these complicated magical phrases where the muggle ones do do just fine. Do you think someone did that on purpose to distance the wizards from the muggles? Because you guys eat just as many apples as we do."

"I 'unno."

Hermione, who had been listening in, felt the need to add her two cents. "I agree completely. Earlier I heard some wizard swears that sound utterly ridiculous but are somehow insulting. For example instead of the term git or asshole, one of the upper years called another student the Rear End of a Blast Ended Skrewt. Why not just use asshole like any normal person?"

"I 'unno." Ron said again.

"Maybe they teach that in Muggle studies." Hermione said.

"They have a muggle studies here?" Harri asked.

"Yes, you can take it as an elective I think."

"Sounds interesting. It would be fun to hear what wizards think of muggles." Harri said.

"That's what I said." Hermione said.

"I unno." Ron said.

At this point they made it to the pitch where decrepit looking school broomsticks were lined up in two straight rows.

"Ooo are we going to do the Dr. Jones?" Hermione asked.

Harri and Ron looked at her weirdly.

"Haven't either of you ever been to a Bar Mitzvah before?"

"No. I wasn't allowed out." Harri said.

"I'm a wizard." Ron said.

Hermione rolled her eyes at Ron.

"I heard Malfoy's good on a broomstick." Ron stated.

"Hopefully it's all talk, like his usual." Harri said.

From the way the other students were talking, most of the wizard reared had spent many of their younger years zooming around the countryside on broomsticks with their parents. Except for Neville, who was overprotected.

Hermione and Harri were just as nervous about flying as Neville was. Hermione regaled them with everything she had learned from Quidditch through the ages, which she had checked out of the library earlier that day. Neville was clutching something in his hand that was glowing red.

"What that you got there, Nev?" Harri asked.

"It's called a remembrall. It's supposed to tell you when you've forgotten something by turning red."

"What did you forget?"

"I can't remember."

The Gryffindors had picked their side of the brooms and the Slytherins the others when Madame Hooch marched up for their first lesson. She had short grey hair and yellow eyes like a hawk. Harri wondered if she was born like that, and if so which of her parents had protentially crossbreeded, or if it was just a magic thing.

"Everyone stand by a broomstick. Put your wand arm over the shaft and say up."

Everyone put their wand arm over the shaft and said, "UP!"

Harri's shaft smoothly stood up into her hand and she grasped the smooth wood. Not as many people had such an easy time with it. Hermione's was taunting her by rolling around on the ground, Neville's wasn't moving at all.

Madame Hooch then showed them exactly where on the shaft to mount properly so that they wouldn't slide off. Harri and Ron were somewhat smug when Madame Hooch told Malfoy he'd been doing it wrong for years.

"Now, when I blow my whistle, you kick off form the ground, hard. Keep your brooms steady, rise a few feet, then come straight back down by leaning forward slightly. On my whistle – three – two – "

A nervous Neville kicked off at two and kicked the ground hard.

"Come back!" Madame Hooch shouted, rather unnecessarily, Harri thought, as Neville didn't look like he wanted to be there in the first place. Neville was rising straight up twenty feet when he slipped off his broom and fell like a rock.

A nasty crack broke the air and a facedown Neville had everyone running towards him.

"Broken wrist. Come on boy, all right, up you get."  
Madame Hooch turned to the rest of the class. "None of you is to move while I take this boy to the hospital wing. You leave those brooms where they are or you'll be out of Hogwarts before you can say "Quidditch." Come on, dear".

Neville, cradling his wrist in the crook of his elbow, hobbled off to the wing with the Madame.

When they could no longer be seen, Malfoy burst into laughter.

"Did you see his face?"

The other Slytherins laughed.

"Shut up, Malfoy," Parvati Patil spat.

"Ooh sticking up for Longbottom?" Pansy Parkinson, a Slytherin, said. "Never thought you'd like fat little crybabies, Parvati."

"Look, said Malfoy, darting forward and snatching something out of the grass. "It's his remembrall."

"Give it back, Malfoy." Harri stepped forward.

Malfoy smirked. "You'll have to take it from me." Malfoy hopped onto his broom and with a nasty smile over his shoulder at Harri, took off.

Harri, who was still clutching her broom, began to mount.

"Harri, you've never even flown before!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Chill, it'll be fine. Besides, someone has to stand up to him." Harri's expression was set and determined.

"But you'll get us all in trouble!"

"If Malfoy's seen, he's already done it." Harrietta ignored her further protests and swung her leg over the shaft and settled it between her thighs. She pushed off the ground hard and jetted up, up, into the blue sky. The rush of the wind whipped her growing curls around her face and she realized that she'd never felt this happy before, better then cooking or taunting Dudley, or getting straight As in all her classes.

She did a loose loop to the cheers from the Gryffindor guys below and the shrieks of some of the girls. Once she pulled her mind from the clouds, she shortened the distance between her and Draco, glared him in the eye and said, "I said give it here, Malfoy!"

Draco, his planned just a tad foiled, no Crabbe and Goyle to protect him, cocked an eyebrow and replied, "Then you'll have to catch it!" And threw it as far as he possibly could with his ghostly pale eleven year old arm. Although young, his arm was good and the tiny remembrall arched through the air.

Harrietta saw it in slow motion. The ball rise up and up, and then begin its descent. She urged the broom faster, and faster, and since it was an old school broom the faster she went the rougher the ride became. As the ball was halfway through its fall she leaned forward, pointed her broom handle down, reached out her right arm and caught the remembrall a foot from the ground before pulling up sharply, the tiny sphere clutched in her tight fist.

"HARRIETTA POTTER!"

The natural high Harri was on ended abruptly. Proffesor McGonagall was white faced and running towards her. Harry jumped off the broom and tried to hide it behind her back as if she hadn't just been riding it, planting her feet firmly on the ground to hide the tremors.

McGonagall was half muttering things about 'Never in my life' and 'Could have broken your neck!' but Harri was too nerve wracked to pay too much attention.

"It wasn't her fault!"

"Be quiet, Miss Patil!"

"But Malfoy!"

McGonagall already had Harri by the arm and was marching her back to the school. Harri dropped the incriminating broom and tried to hind the shake in her hands. Was she going to be expelled? They couldn't possibly, she'd been trying to help. But Madame Hooch had said, and she was a teacher! But the flying was amazing!

McGonagall stopped Harri before Flitwick's room. She knocked twice on the door and walked in.

"Excuse me Professor, but could I borrow Wood for a minute?"

"Yes of course."

Was Wood a cane to beat her with, like at Dudley's schools? Was it a weird type of wand used to punish students?

A burly fifth year walked out and looked expectantly at Professor McGonagall.

"Follow me."

The two students followed her to her office.

"Wood, I have found you a seeker."

"Of Truth?" Harri asked.

They both looked at her weirdly.

Harri had forgotten it was not the time to be making jokes.

"Excellent! But she's only a first year. First years aren't allowed on the team."

"We can make an exception."

Woods smile split his face in two.

"She's a natural, I've never seen anything like it. Was that your first time on a broom, Miss Potter?"

Harri nodded silently. She didn't know what a seeker was, but she would bet her arms that she wasn't being expelled.

"She caught a remembrall in a fifty foot dive and didn't damage herself even a little."

"Ever seen a game of Quidditch, Potter?" Wood asked excitedly.

"Wood is captain of the Gryffindor team."

"You're just the right build too," Wood said, eyeing her up and down. Harri blushed under the scrutiny. "But she'll need a decent broom."

"I'll talk to Dumbledore about it. Merlin knows we want to flatten the Slytherins this year. Now Harrietta, I want to hear you're training hard or I will revoke your status."

"It's Harri, and I promise to do my best?" Harri was still a little confused, but elated that she wasn't being expelled or being beaten by a Wood stick.

"By the way, my first name is Oliver."

"I'm Harri."

"Welcome to the team, Harri."

Okay so a few things.  
Why do people feel the need to always bring Merlin into things, and not Jesus?

**If you don't know what the Dr. Jones is, whatever your loss. You should go to a Bar Mitzvah.**

**About Snape. Since Harri's a girl, I feel he would be a tad kinder thinking of Lily instead of James. And since Harri initiated conversation, I think he wouldn't always be so bitter. More confused while trying to mask it with bitterness. **

**Yes I'm a pervert.**


	6. Chapter 6

Harrietta Potter Chapter 6

Harrietta Potter Chapter 6

**Okay so only two typos last chapter that I had missed. I'm too lazy to fix them though. Kay, I've said it before, I'll say it again. If you're reading this, it's because it's fun not because it's grammatically correct or the spelling is right. **

**I could have combined this with Chapter 5, but I didn't realize I was going to be writing this. See I got an insane case of cramps and couldn't sleep, so I decided to write more. Lucky you. Or maybe not. Whatever.**

**You'd probably be surprised if I said I'm in AP English, wouldn't you. Ha.**

**Anyway. Sorry to Alchemical Reactions, that's her story. Her names is like, Mirror Behind the…whatever. **

**I'm still calling you Alchy.**

**Disclaimer: totally disclaimed, thank you J.K Rowling.**

"No freaking way! Seeker?"

"Of Truth!"

Ron looked at her funny.

"Never mind. That joke is overused anyway."

Ron's expression didn't change.

"But first years never- you must be the youngest house player in about – "

"A century, yes." Said Harri, shovelling apple pie (the best kind) into her mouth. "Wood told me."

Fred and George Weasley now came into the hall, spotted Harri and walked over. Harri chocked on her pie.

The twin's hair was flowing in the wind created by the long strides their long legs made, the long legs supported by big feet. And everyone knows what they say about big feet. Big cars. And big cars are over compensation. Or is it big brooms in the wizarding world? But Harri had a feeling the twins didn't need to overcompensate for _anything_. Their red hair sparkled in the dwindling sunlight and their half smile/half smirk mater her heart go all aflutter.

"Seeker? Wood told us. We're on the team too. Beaters."

"You beat Wood?"

"No, it's a position."

"A position, eh?"

"Yes, we carry around big clubs. Like cavemen. And we beat balls around."

"Like baseball."

"Sure…"

"I tell you, we're going to win that Quidditch cup for sure this year," said Fred. "We haven't won since Charlie left, but you must be good, since Wood was jumping all around out of pleasure earlier."

"Anyway, we've got to go, Lee Jordan reckons he's found a new secret passageway out of the school."

"We're going to go fool around. You know, do some tom foolery."

"See you around, Harri." George winked. Fred smirked. Harri blinked and wondered if she had just imagined all that innuendo. Except for the fact that she was eleven and shouldn't know such terms, except for the fact that all young children get curious at a young age, and she lived with a male cousin with male friends who liked to tease her a lot. That kind of stuff was bound to come up thanks to the public school system.

"Exit twins, enter Malfoy," Harri said, glancing up. "And his cronies."

"Expelled? When are you going home, Potter." Malfoy sniggered.

"Expelled? When are you going home, Potter?" Harry copied.

"What?"

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"What are you doing?"

"Are you copying me, Potter?"

"Are you copying me, Potter?"

"Fine, two can play at that game."

"Fine, two can play at that game."

"Fine, two can play at that game."

"Fine two can play at that game."

"Fine, two can play at that game."

"Malfoy, maybe you should act your age and not your shoe size. Or should I say wand size, since I'm in the wizarding world. Or maybe another size. Something that I'm too young to know about, but I do anyhow thanks to the public school system."

Ron sniggered.

"Gah!" Malfoy exclaimed.

"Besides, you're a lot braver now that you have your cronies, Crabbe and Goyle flanking you. Sides, they can't do anything in front of the teachers. Except crack their knuckles and scowl which they appear to be doing. I'll have you know I can hold my own against your hulking brutes."

"I'd take you anytime on my own," said Malfoy. "Tonight, if you want. Wizard's duel. Wands only – no contact."

"Why, scared a girl will beat you?"

"NO! Besides, what's the matter, never heard of a wizard's duel before, I supposed?"

"Well, shouldn't you be slapping me with a glove?"

Malfoy traded confused glances with Crabbe and Goyle.

"You really are ignorant."

"Midnight, kay?" Malfoy was indignant.

"Midnight, kay?"

"Gah!"

"Gah!"

"Fine, I'll take that as a yes."

"Fine, I'll take that as a yes."

"I'll be your second." Ron said.

"Crabbe is mine."

"Midnight then."

"Toodles, Malfoy."

When Malfoy had evaporated, Ron and Harri looked at each other.

"So I'm assuming a wizards duel is like a duel with pistols at dawn but with magic?"

"Sure…"

"Oh. Okay."

"Excuse me…" Hermione broke in. "I couldn't help but overhearing that you and Malfoy were going to have a midnight Wizards duel?"

"Yeah," Ron said.

"But you mustn't wander around after curfew! You could get in trouble."

Ron started to make squawking noises, as if his honour had been affronted.

"Relax, Hermy. I can call you Hermy? Hermione is kinda long. Okay fine Hermione. I never agreed I was going to duel. Malfoy just assumed I was because I was acting like I was nine and copying him."

"Oh.

"Yeah. So don't worry about it." Harri ate more apple pie.

Back in the common room, Ron challenged Harri to a game of wizards' chess. Harri lost. They played again. Harri lost. They played again. Harri lost. Harri taught Ron how to play crazy eights instead. Harri lost. She taught him poker. Harri lost. She taught him go fish. Ron lost. Neville joined. They played cheat. Harri lost. Neville lost. Ron won. Parvati joined. Harri taught them pig. They got bored, so Harri taught them kent. It turned into boys versus girls. Soon enough the entire first years were playing Kent. The girls won. The boys lost. They were able to yell and read body language better. Except for Neville. He was pretty good, but he was paired up with Ron so they lost. Hermione and Lavender were paired up, and they won a couple of times too. Dean and Seamus also lost, because Harri and Parvati had a really really cool kent code word, but they did win at least once.

Then curfew came so they all split up and went into their respective rooms. Parvati and Lavender pulled out their nail polish. Hermione pulled out her book. Harri got Hermione to review the day's notes quickly while they all did their nails. She figured she could be a girl while getting good grades.

Harri painted her nails purple white and black. Parvati did pink with yellow flowers. Lavender did lavender. Hermione did red with black stripes. No one said anything.

Then they talked about boys.

"Lee Jordan has the coolest hair and the best sense of humour," Lavender sighed.

"Yeah, but he seems like a player."

"Hey, I wouldn't mind him playing me. Have you seen the size of his wand?"

Harri realized that in the wizarding world, they did judge by wand instead of shoe size.

"That Oliver Wood is on the Quidditch team. He's built." Parvati said.

"Aren't the twins also on the team?" Harri suggested coyly.

"Why yes, yes they are. And after all, there are two of them. The more the merrier I say."

They all giggled, even Hermione.

"You hang out with one Ronald Weasley quite often, don't you." Lavender said to Harri.

"Yes, but we're just friends. He's fun to hang around but I wouldn't ever _like him_ like him. It would be weird. And he isn't very school based. I want a few things in a guy: good sense of humour, good looks, and a car."

"Why a car?"

"So he can…oh wait. Skip that, he has to be able to fly."

"I agree with the car thing." Hermione said.

"Why? We're witches now."

"Well, what about the summer? And I still have muggle parents, if I wanted to go to the ice cream parlour in muggle towns, think how cool it would look to drive up in a shiny new car."

"Yes, but he could do magic instead." Parvati said.

"What's he gonna do, floo me into the ice cream parlour, HERE WE ARE and not have us put into a freak show?"

"What's a floo?" Harri asked.

"Transportation method by fire."

"I agree with Hermione though, if I ever married and wanted to maintain contact with the muggle world, he'd have to have a nice car." Harri said.

"What's a car?"

"Transportation method by big metal thing that runs on gas and electricity and during inflation will be a big leech on your money."

"I think I like floo better."

Back in the boy's room, Dean, Seamus and Ron pulled out a ball. Neville pulled out a book. Dean played catch while reviewing the days' notes with Neville. Nothing wrong with being athletic, and smart, he figured.

Dean could throw overhand well. Seamus could throw underhand well. Ron could throw both ways well. Neville could roll it across the floor with deadly accuracy. Dean remarked that he'd probably be good at bowling, and then had to explain what it was. Ron thought muggles were weird for having a sport like bowling. Dean explained bowling wasn't really a sport, but bowlers liked to think it was.

While throwing around the ol' ball, they talked about girls.

"That Angelina Johnson is a real fox." Seamus said.

"Yeah, but she could be better than you at sports."

"Hey, she knows how to handle a ball."

Dean realized that boys in the wizarding world were just as perverted as those in the muggle world.

"Isn't Katie Bell also on the team?"

"Yeah, have you seen her body, she's fit! Hey, imagine Katie and Alicia, at the same time."

They all paused, picturing that for a moment while drooling slightly.

"You hang out with that Harri Potter a lot, don't you." Seamus told Ron.

"Yeah, but we're just friends. It would be weird. She's fun to hang around with but I wouldn't _like her _like her. She's more school based than she looks. I want a few things in a girl: she has to be smart, but not too smart, a good sense of humour, and she can't be better than sports than me."

Neville thought that was a little unfair.

The rest of the boys nodded along.

At about Midnight, Filch wandered down the hallway with Mrs. Norris, looking for students out of bed. He had gotten a mysterious tip off. He wandered around until two thirty, and then grumbling went back to bed.

That was an attempt at being a pervert again. Didn't work out so well this time. Sorry.

**As much as you will accuse me of filler, this was not filler. I have a reason for my nonsensical writing.  
In AP English I learned that everything put into a book is in there for a reason. Everything is leading to some grand conclusion. If something is put in the book that does not lead to said conclusion, it's probably a shitty book.**

**Anyway, everything will lead to some maybe not so grand, but conclusion.**

**Review please, I like to hear your opinions. **


	7. Chapter 7

Harrietta Potter Chapter 7

Harrietta Potter Chapter 7

**Okay so…I kinda forgot about this for awhile. But now I'm updating. Yayy.  
Fun things in my life: my job is going out of business this week. I was Gloucester in class today and got my eyeballs plucked out, for anyone who's read King Lear. And I decided to update. I kind of forgot where I was going with this, but I'm sure I'll remember soon enough…**

Harri, Ron and Hermione met in the common room the next morning and went off to breakfast. On the way in they passed by Malfoy. Malfoy did a double take and got this look of fierce constipation on his face before storming off even faster to his table to have some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast, because Hogwarts doesn't have a no! peanut butter rule.

Harri had an egg on an English muffin with cheese while Hermione had a normal muffin with blueberries and a second with chocolate chips because she deserves them. Ron had one of everything.

"Your hair's grown a bit." Hermione pointed out to Harri.

"Really? I've always wanted to but never really been allowed."

"No, seriously, it almost reaches your shoulders now. You could put it into pig tails and have them curl around and put Gryffindor coloured ribbons in your hair."

Ron choked a little bit on his pumpkin juice. There was something just a little odd about that, he thought.

"I just want to be able to French brai-"

Harri was interrupted by the flurry of post owls, six dropping a long thin package on the table in front of him and knocking over Ron's goblet. There was a letter attached that Harri quickly opened. The letter read,

"DO NOT OPEN THE PARCEL AT THE TABLE.

It contains your Nimbus Two Thousand, but I don't want everybody knowing you've got a broomstick or they'll all want one. Oliver Wood will meet you tonight on the Quidditch field at seven o'clock for your first training session."

It was signed by Professor M. McGonagall.

Harri squeeled, passed the letter to Ron and Hermy to read, grabbed the package and skipped off back to her dorm to open it. Hermione followed as did Ron soon after with his plate of waffles in hand.

Harri met Wood down at the Quidditch pitch later that night. Oliver was dressed in a striped Rugby style shirt under his robes and looked quite fetching. He explained the rules quickly and then played a quick game of broomstick tag to get Harrietta warmed up. Then he tossed the snitch about, and after demonstrating her prowess at handling a stick Harri was allowed to leave as an elated Wood skipped off to do whatever he does when he's alone, which is actually quite fascinating.

Wood has a bit of a fascination with shiny things. It's partially his reason for wanting to win the Quidditch cup so badly. One day he was in the trophy room with his nose pressed up against the glass focusing and unfocusing his eyes to watch the play of light on one of the awards when he saw something in his peripherals. It was a flash of light, something sparkly. He ran in the direction it came from and noticed it was the clip of a girl in the hallway. He chased after her, but she had too much of a head start on him and she disappeared before he could catch up. Since then Oliver had made it his business to stalk the girl down, for he was sure that when he met her something magical would happen.

Lucky for Oliver, today was his day. On his way to the trophy room where he was going to plan his next scouting mission, he bumped into a lovely Hufflepuff lass. She was a bit on the plain side, but not painfully so. In her hair were not one, but two shiny clips. Oliver gaped at her, and muttered a sorry and went on her way. He shook himself out of his stupor, chased after her and offered to trade her something for the clip.

Once again, lucky for Oliver this lass had a bit of a weird obsession as well. She loved Rugby style shirts, and this was in her favourite colour: eggplant and goldenrod. She said she would trade him both clips in return for his shirt. Oliver instantly agreed, knowing if he really wanted another he could always buy one, stripped off his shirt in the hallway and put the two shiny clips in his hair.

Oliver got a few weird looks when he entered the common room, as he was shirtless under his robe and had two very shiny sparkly red clips that glittered when he walked placed in odd angles in his hair. But he did not care, because he had the shiny.

It was the day of Halloween and Harri was excited. She had been planning her costume for at least a week, if not more so. In the spirit of Halloween, Harri had went through a few costume ideas. The first was a Barbie slut, but realised she needed more boobage for that. The second was a pumpkin princess. Other ideas included Professor Dumbledore, Gum under a Chair, the lost pink sock, or Pippi Longstockings. Harri thought of the best idea ever, and decided to be Draco Malfoy.

One may wonder how Harri would find the costume in the first place. She did it quite easily, actually. She walked up to one of the slytherins, said she admired his tie, and took it from him. She then went up to one Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and did the same so as not to look suspicious. She even traded them one of her Gryffindor ties for each one. The next thing she did was have Dean draw her a Slytherin badge, which she glued onto a piece of cardboard then affixed over her Gryffindor badge. She stole some of the boys uniform, slicked back her hair with gel and adopted a sneer. She even dyed her hair blond with temporary wizard dye. She marched out of her dorm, through the common room and down to breakfast. Once at breakfast she walked over to the Slytherin table, grabbed some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, turned to the Slytherin on her right and said, "I have more money than you because my daddy's pureblood by a thousand generations."

The Slytherin's were too shocked to do anything, and Snape had decided to breakfast in his personal rooms that morning so Harri was in the clear. Especially since many of the teachers were too oblivious to notice anything. Malfoy came to the table, his eyes still bleary from sleep and sat down beside Harri. Crabbe went to sit by the right, and Goyle to the left of Malfoy but Harri would not move from her spot. Malfoy turned towards the cretin to order him to move and stared into a pair of bright green eyes and a badly covered up scar.

"YOU!" he screamed.

"How dare you raise your voice to me?" Harri asked.

"Potter, this is not your table."

"You must be mistaken. My name is Malfoy. Draco Malfoy, actually. Now if you will excuse me you are ruining my breakfast." Harri took a large deliberate bite of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Ron and Hermione came down to eat having waited for Harri in the common room for far too long. They sat at the table and wondered what had happened, and where she was. They heard Malfoy spluttering and turned to see what was going on, and were a little shocked to see their friend doing a perfect imitation of him. They weren't overly surprised though, because Harri had hinted that she was going to do this. They both heard,

"I am a Malfoy, and you sir are being insufferable. With your behaviour it would be more pureblood of me to sit at the Gryffindor table."

With that, Harri took her sandwich and went to go sit between Hermione and Ron.

"Hello normal people. I see you do not have Halloween costumes. Why is that? I, as a Malfoy, feel that you have insulted my honour. Wait, I don't have honour. Whatever. Go back and change, please."

With that Harri shooed them back upstairs, dressed Hermione up as a pumpkin princess and gave Ron a fake beard and glasses with a big nose attached. She then forced them to wear it saying that she would have to hex them because if they took the costumes off it would be an insult to her as a Malfoy. Hermione and Ron gave up trying to argue and just went with it.

That was also the day that they all learned the Wingardium Leviosa spell, and of course Pumpkin Princess did everything perfectly. When Bearded Weasley couldn't get it right she gently showed him the wand movement, demonstrating over and over again until he got it right. Draco Malfoy with the scar got it on his second try. Most of the teachers were too amused to comment on the costumes, and let the trio get away with them in the spirit of Halloween.

It was during dinner that Snape finally made a big shenanigan about Harrietta's Halloween costume. That only brought more attention to it, and Harri kept playing the Malfoy up until Snape threatened her with detention. By then the whole school was sniggering, and Harri went to the bathroom to wash out the dye and gel and turn her robes back to normal. She was in the bathroom when suddenly a huge stench caught her nostrils. She looked up from the sink and into the mirror and noticed a horrid troll behind her.

"AHHHHHH YOU MUST MAKE SMALL CHILDREN CRY!" Harri panicked and dove into a stall. Hermione and Ron dashed in just in the nick of time defeated the troll with the Wingardium Leviosa spell. The giant club the monster was carrying knocked him out and sent him sprawling. Of course, after the children rescued each other is when the grownups decided to show up. They were sent off to their dorm room with little reprimanding, considering that they were the ones to send Harri off to the bathroom anyway.

"And then and then and then Quirrel came in yelling 'TROLL IN THE DUNGEON' and everyone panicked but Dumbledore calmed everyone and sent them to their rooms but we realized you didn't know and they forgot about you in the panic and that's when we came to get you." Hermione said in a hyper manner that she rarely got to use.

They were in the middle of the stairs to Gryffindor tower when they started to switch spots. Ron started moaning about motion sickness and then the stairway stopped at a creepy doorway. Harri started muttering ominous battle music from one of Dudley's computer games under her breath as they stepped forward into the dark corridor beyond.

**What will happen to our heroic adventurers? Find out next time on…HARRIETTA POTTER .**

**Also I feel like my hand is getting carpal tunnel but I want to post. **


	8. Chapter 8

Harrietta Potter Chapter 8

**So yeah, I finally had enough time to procrastinate and now I am updating. Sorry for the long wait, this summer when I don't have anything to do I will probably update more often. Also: my place of business has reopened but they are smaller now and have no need for me, but they are still open now and that is lovely because they serve delicious delicious fish. And not in the dirty way that you perverts are all thinking of. In other news I was commissioned to sew three Harry Potter costumes, and I almost died of joy. I am getting paid to make a costume for a book I love. (orgasms)**

"Dah! Dah da da da doo doo da a dum DUM DUM dum DUUUUMMMM!"

"Harri?"

"Dum DUM dah! Yes Hermione? Doodley doo dee doo"

"Please stop. As this is real life and not a movie, I don't think we need any ominous background music for this ominous creepy hallway".

"You dum de dum sure?"

"Yes."

"Ron what do you think?"

They were slowly proceeding down the corridor trying to find another set of stairs that would lead back to a normal floor.

"Iunno."

"You do know where we are, don't you?" Hermione said Britishly.

"At the end of the hallway in front of a locked door?"

"It's the third floor corridor." Ron said.

The two girls turned to stare at Ron.

"What? I'm very well oriented. My vocabulary also contains more than the word iunno."

"Well we're here…we may as well see what's behind the door, you know in case the troll is coming after us." Harri cajoled Hermione with her wand.

"We can't! We're not allowed!"

"I say let's do it!"

"Ron's with me," Harri said. "Alohomora! Oops my wand slipped and my tongue did too."

The door was already sliding open. Harri and Ron stepped in and Hermione tiptoed in behind them, complaining about how dangerous this was. Harri started humming her battle music again.

"Harri! Stop humming you'll wake up…that!"

They looked in the room and noticed a rather large three headed dog waking up in the room beyond. She didn't want to wake up the dog so Harri stopped humming. They tried to quietly tiptoe back out of the room, but the dog began to wake up. They started walking out of the room again, and that's when they heard footsteps echoing down the long corridor.

"Quick! We have to hide!"

They all ran out of the room, leaving the door open behind them and crowding behind a support beam disguised as a pretty column.

"Is that a giant bat?" Ron whispered.

"I think it's a Halloween costume! No, it's just..Snape?"

They all waited for Snape to go inside the chamber with the dog and then they booked it back down the hallway, down the stairs, all the way back to their common room, hoping Snape hadn't heard them run.

They got back and the common room was filled with people sprawled out everywhere on all the couches.

"Why is everyone in the common room?"

"Well you see," George sprung up from out of nowhere.

"In times of trouble like this, people need human contact." Fred said.

"So there are orgy porgies and cuddle puddles!" George continued.

"I'd be more than happy to engage in human contact and orgy porgies with you two!" Harri said.

"What?" Fred, George, Hermione and Ron exclaimed.

"Umm..I said I'd be more than happy to engage in a lovely game of chess and eating little piggies with you two?"

"Oh." Hermione and Ron said.

Fred and George exchanged a lighthearted glance.

"I'm going to go study," Hermione said. "We can talk about what happened later."

"Hey Harri, I'm gonna go find someone to play chess with. No offense but you suck. You don't mind do you?"

"Not at all Ron. Go have your fun with your little fake men."

Hermione and Ron went off and Fred and George grabbed Harri by each of her arms and towed her to a couch.

"We know what you really said," said George.

"And now we're going to give you what you asked for!" exclaimed Fred.

"What?" squeaked Harri.

"Tickle time!"

Fred and George ambushed Harri with tickling fingers, and Harri squirmed and laughed and cried and tried to get out of the way and almost peed herself and squirmed her way off of the couch, rolled around on the floor and by the end of it all her robes were up around her ears and her hair mid neck length hair was quite messed up. She sat up from the floor gasping at the two delicious twins above her and said, "I wasn't laughing because that was fun, I was laughing because it was a reaction and if you ever do that again I will hex you hardcore and then I will get Hermy to hex you hardcore and then Ron will try to hex you but probably end up jumping you hardcore! And the next time I will PEE ON YOU!" Harri picked herself up, rearranged her robes, patted the laughing twins on the heads and them marched off to go watch Ron's chess game.

The next day, a Saturday, all the students slept in late. Except for Harri. Nobody tickles Harri and gets away with it. It's in her name, Harri. To harry is to bother someone, and now, she was going to Harri the twins. Harri crept up the stairs to the twins room. She had asked Hermione the day before and Hermione had provided Harri with a lovely silencing spell. Harri silenced the area around Fred's bed, as she didn't want to be waking up George or Lee Jordan or the other blokes in the room. Harri climbed into bed with Fred and waited. She was a patient person. She could wait. She was also very happy that the no climbing the stairs rule only applied to the girls dormitory. Harri closed her eyes, ready to settle in in a half asleep half awake state, where the smallest movement would wake her but she could get some rest. Harri waited and waited, and finally when Fred started to wake, she turned around and opened her eyes really wide. She affixed a creepy smile on her face and stared at Fred, barely blinking, waiting for him to open his eyes.

Fred blearily blinked his eyes, not sure if he saw what he thought he was seeing. He opened his eyes wider, and Harri grinned wider. Fred jumped and was about to yell bloody murder when Harri grabbed the boston cream pie that she had placed beside the bed and smashed it into his face. Harri then jumped out of bed and ran back to her room, cancelling the silencing spell as she went.

No one knew what she did except for Fred, and maybe George. Fred would not tell anyone because he didn't want them to know he'd been pranked by an ickle firstie. And next, it was George's turn.

The next day, a Sunday, all the students slept in late. George and Fred as well. Harri hadn't wanted them waiting for her, ready to prank her, so she had asked Hermione for a sleeping spell and cast it on them right as they were about to go to bed. Harri crept up the stairs to the twins room. Harri silenced the area around George's bed as she didn't want to be waking up Fred or Lee Jordan or the other blokes in the room. Harri climbed into bed with George and waited. She was a very patient person. She could wait, she had done it yesterday. Harri closed her eyes, ready to settle in in a half asleep half awake state, where the smallest movement would wake her but she could get some rest. Harri waited and waited, and finally when George started to wake, she turned around and opened her eyes really wide. She affixed a creepy smile on her face and stared at George, barely blinking, waiting for him to open his eyes.

George blearily blinked his eyes, not sure if he saw what he thought he was seeing. He opened his eyes wider, and Harri grinned wider. George jumped and was about to yell bloody murder when Harri grabbed the water gun that she had placed beside the bed and started squirting him with it. Harri then jumped out of bed and ran back to her room, cancelling the silencing spell as she went.

For the rest of Sunday she carried a water gun with her, had two strapped to her ankles, two strapped to her wrists, and one strapped to her back. She kept chasing the twins around the school, and every time she saw them she began to fire. The twins wrestled the gun from her hand from her so they could fight back, but Harri let them win. She had five other guns. As they were retreating to fill up the water gun, Harri let the guns slide from her wrists to her hands and started shooting as they ran.

The fight continued until dinner time, when she told them that she was done, and the twins thanked her for a lovely fun day. Harri wasn't sure if she could trust them not to prank her back, but for now they were at a happy stalemate.

You are probably wondering how Harri got those water guns in the first place. You see, Harri knows Dean, a fellow muggleborn. When Dean came to Hogwarts, he packed everything he owned just in case, including his water gun collection. Ron had seen it, then told Harri about it, and Harri politely asked Dean if she could borrow them, and gave him the collateral of her owl Hedwig if she was not able to return them. Harri returned all the water guns, including the one Fred and George had stolen, (she snuck into their room again to retrieve them) and went to sleep quite tired on Sunday night.

Monday morning Harri woke up. She looked to her right, looked to her left, and Fred and George were on either side, staring creepily at her. Harri smiled at them and said, "Is it time for Orgy Porgy?" snuggled in close and promptly went back to sleep.

When she woke up for the second time, she looked around, saw Fred and George on either side of her and went, "Oh. That wasn't a dream."

She was promptly pied and watered.

**So I have decided I am going to ask you to review, not because I want the reviews but because I want to read your comments. They help inflate my ego. It's not an order, just a request.**


	9. Chapter 9

Harrietta Potter Chapter 9

**Yes so I've decided that this story is going on hiatus. JUST KIDDING.**

In the month of November, Harri would play her first Quidditch game. Harri Hermione and Ron were chilling in the courtyard playing with magical blue fire that Hermione had conjured. Snape was stalking his way across the courtyard.

"He must have gotten his limp from trying to cross the three-headed dog!" Ron said. Hermione and Harri looked at Ron. Ron looked at them, his face blank. Harri and Hermione shared a look to the point of, _My he is more observant than we thought. There is still hope!_

"But why would he try to get passed that dog?"

"He probably was trying to find something hidden under the trap door." Hermione said.

"What trap door?" Harri asked.

"The one under it's feet of course."

"Of course, it's a horse!" Harri rhymed.

"Of course it's a horse with force!" Ron rhymed.

"Of course it's a horse with force and a university course!" Harri continued.

"Of course it's a horse with force and a university course and a secret source!" Ron said.

"Enough please." Hermione said.

The next day was the Quidditch game. Harri was incredibly nervous, but that's okay because she was distracted by Oliver Wood's shiny new hair clip and it kept her entertained for quite some time, watching it sparkle from different angles.

"I like your sparkly clip," she said.

"Thank you, I quite like it too," he said.

Madam Hooch was refereeing. She asked for a fair game from everyone, looking at the Slytherins specifically. Hooch blasted her whistle, and the teams were off. Lee Jordan commentated quite rudely at the Slytherins, and quite proudly at the Gryffindors. Harri spent her time gliding up above the other players. She liked it up there, the wind in her ears, her eyes squinting through her glasses for a glint of gold. At one point a bludger came rushing her way, but Fred was there to bat it in the opposite direction.

"You alright, Harri?" he asked.

"My saviour!" Harri crowed and winked. Then Harri noticed the snitch. She dropped straight down out of the air, then she and her broom whooshed off after it. Marcus Flint also noticed as had the Slytherin Seeker, and Marcus did his best to knock Harri off her broom. The Slytherin Seeker was no Potter, and so the Snitch was lost again. Harri zoomed up to above the crowd to look for it again, and her broom stick started lurching around. Hagrid commented to Hermione and Ron that it looked like she was either doing air ballet, or someone was spelling her broom. Hermione took off while Harri struggled to stay on. Of course, being female she had a better centre of gravity, so the broom began to imitate a roller coaster with no seatbelt.

Hermione had noticed Snape muttering things, and so had gone to light a fire on his cloak to distract him. In the process she knocked over Professor Quirrel, and right when Snape stopped muttering Harri's broom jerked to a stop, throwing her off. She had fallen ten feet when George Weasley swooped under her and caught her on his broom.

"My saviour!" she said, batting her eye lashes at him. He laughed, and she hopped on her broom as it fell passed them. She continued the descent, and on her way down accidentally swallowed the Snitch. Gryffindor won the game. The Gryffindors swept the winning team away for a party. Harri, Ron and Hermione escaped halfway through to join Hagrid for a celebratory drink of tea and rock cake.

"Snape was the one jinxing your broom, Harri!" Hermione said.

"Rubbish!" Hagrid exclaimed.

"I agree with Hagrid on this one, he may be a bit of a bat but he wouldn't do that." Harri said.

"Besides, why would Snape do something like that?" Hagrid said.

"Maybe he saw us see him try to sneak passed the three headed dog, and wanted us out of the way?" Ron asked.

"What do you know about Fluffy?" Hagrid asked.

"Fluffy…cute name," Harri said.

"I leant him to Dumbledore to guard the…nevermind." Hagrid said.

"Guard what?"

"A horse of course."

"Shut up Harri."

"I know a jinx when I see one," said Hermione.

"You're wrong! It wouldn't have been Snape. He may be bat like but he's no vampire, he wouldn't try to kill a student. Now you forget everything you saw, what Fluffy is guarding is between Dumbledore and Nicolas Flamel"

"Nicola Flamel! So he is included in this troublesome plot too! Cackle cackle." Harri said.

Hagrid looked furious with himself.

When Harri Hermione and Ron got back to the common room, the party was still in full swing.

"Does it feel like all we ever do here is party and hang out in the common room?" asked Hermione.

"Yes." Ron and Harri chorused.

"Let's dance!" Harri dragged Hermione and Ron into the middle of the common room and proceeded to dance like a dork. Hermione and Ron and everyone else laughed, and then started to imitate Harri. The dance move was Harri trying to shake her butt, but instead looked like a goofy penguin doing a walk. The move was forever called the penguin. Everyone spent the night shaking their bottoms like a penguin.

When Harri walked into the great hall the next morning for breakfast, she penguined her way to her seat to the stares of many people. The Gryffindors were dying of laughter, and when the neighbouring tables sent odd looks there way Harri merely yelled, "Inside joke, you wouldn't get it, don't worry."

The Slytherins sneered and started trying to laugh at Harri and make fun of her, but she merely penguined her way up to all of them and started…you could call it grinding penguin style up against their backs and giggling and telling them to join in. They didn't of course and Harri went back to her eggs and toast and pumpkin juice, while the Gryffindors laughed at how red faced the Slytherins were.

Oliver Wood called a practise for Quidditch one day. He said that they needed more practise in case someone decided to witch a broom again. Harri told him that he was insane, but she'd be happy to practise that maneuver where the Weasley's saved her on their broomsticks over and over again. Oliver took her seriously, and so the entire team spent two hours practising falling off their brooms and catching each other. They all thought Oliver was insane, especially Angelina, and she told him so.

"Why would you ever make us purposely fall off our brooms? That's unsafe and we could get hurt."

"You must trust in your fellow players!"

Angelina pushed him off of his broom.


	10. Chapter 10

Harrietta Potter Chapter 10

**Going to a Dethklok concert, Mastodon is opening. Anyone know any good songs by them that I can youtube, I've never listened to Mastodon before.**

Harri was asleep. Or at least, she was pretending to be. She wanted to sleep, she just couldn't. She was restless, and had tried everything she could think of to help herself sleep. She counted read a book, she counted sheep, she thought about sleeping, she even recited every spell she could think of, plus all the instructions she could remember for every potion she could remember. Nothing was working. Now she found herself sitting there pretending to sleep, as if that would trick her body into actually falling asleep. Even if her body didn't believe it, the other girls in her dorm did, especially Parvati and Lavender.

"Oh my god you wouldn't believe what Harri did today."

"What?"

"She pretended she was a penguin and embarrassed all of Gryffindor by trying to dance with the Slytherins in the great hall, like a penguin."

"I'm sure she was just trying to tick them off, as usual."

"Yes, but she looked ridiculous."

"I know, she's so weird." Said Lavender.

"Definitely weird." Said Parvati.

"I completely agree, she's completely bonkers." Harri agreed.

Parvati and Lavendar went silent. Harri pretended to snore. Then she said, "The spoon is very rambunctious today, perhaps we should scallop a tiara with the spritzy snarf."

"She's just talking in her sleep," said Lavender.

"You sure?"

"Yes. Good thing she is asleep though, it would be so embarrassing if she heard us."

Harri smirked to herself. She was so good at faking sleep.

The next day Hermione approached Harri.

"I heard the girls last night, they're talking woke me up. And I know you weren't asleep either."

"So?"

"So? Did what they say hurt at all? They were very mean."

"Well, what they said is true, I can be very weird. Whether I'm an embarrassment, well I don't think so, but if they're feeling embarrassed they can talk to me about it. I guess it hurt a little, but really there's no point to the feeling because I like who I am, and if they don't I shouldn't care about their opinions."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Sometimes." Harri giggled. "But I just love giving inspiring speeches. I figured this was a great opportunity. Anything else you got? I'm in a mood for inspiring speeches."

Hermione just rolled her eyes.

Draco Malfoy was walking down the hallway on his way to class when he noticed Harri and Hermione. He didn't want them to notice him, so he ducked behind a pillar.

"What am I doing?" he thought. "I am a Malfoy, and why am I hiding? She's weird, and I'm a Malfoy, so I'm better than her, and her cute little curly curls, and the way her eyes light up when she smiles, which is frequent, so her eyes are always lit up. But I'm a Malfoy, and I will not hide! I will march up right past her and sniff my nose at her, because I am a Malfoy. And....I'm a Malfoy. And just because the robe swirls around her ankles in a majestic way and she's just so talented and funny doesn't mean that she has any more of a right to be standing in the hallway than I do."

So Malfoy walked right up to Harri, sneered at her and sniffed, because he was a Malfoy, and walked on.

"What's his problem?" Hermione asked.

"Isn't it obvious? He's a Malfoy." Harri replied.

Angelina Johnson was in class, and she was slouching. Like most teenage girls who are more heavily endowed in the upper chest area, she slouched so close to the desk her chesticles were sitting on top of it, as if on a platter for all to see. Many do not notice it, but when girls with a chest slouch, they tend to sit in that position. Today, a boy did notice it. His name was Scot Neldmanndie and he had never noticed Angelina's breasts before that day. But it was History of Magic, a particularly boring class, and Angelina was in a particularly slouchy mood. Scot didn't realize he was staring, but his subconscious did. And his subconscious reacted. Sitting right beside him was his friend Perl, a boy, not a girl, and he had a bit of a crush on Scot. He noticed Scot's subconscious reaction, and so Perl started to blush. He didn't notice he was blushing. Angelina didn't notice Scot starting, Scot didn't realize he had reacted, and Perl didn't realize he was blushing. Then Angelina noticed Perl blushing, and thought he was blushing at her. She smiled. Scot thought she smiled at him, so he sat up with a jerk and smacked his knee on his desk. Perl thought maybe Scot knew he had a crush on him, and so looked away. All of a sudden that area of the room became very awkward. Muggle or Magic, teenagers are funny creatures.

Oliver was alone in the hallway, and he was wearing his sparkly clip. He looked left, right, forward and behind, and no one was there. He did a happy dance. In the middle of his best dance move, a castle ghost walked through the walls, and watched Oliver. Oliver continued his happy dance, and when he turned around, the ghost was still watching. He clapped, Oliver bowed, and they continued on their way.


End file.
